Thanksgiving

i find it kind of funny how i dont really care about thanksgiving. when i was younger i learned that thanksgiving was when friends and family all came to one house, ate, drank and laughed. i experienced all this until high school and college. little by little i watched as less and less family gathered for thanksgiving. i wondered why this was happening and i soon learned that my dad loves to pick fights with people. so now people dont want to come here anymore for any kind of family gatherings. then my freshmen year in college, i watched my great grandmother die the day before thanksgiving. no, my parents were not there to comfort me, my dad had more important places to go to, golf. if i remember correctly my dad went to play golf in the bay, la or vegas. i dont really remember. but he left the day before thanksgiving, the same day i watched my great grandma die and guess how my thanksgiving was, i was alone. no family at all. so at the last minute i called as many friends as i could because my friends were always there for me, they were there for me more than my own dad. and after years i have watched my thanksgiving get worse because the only people who are coming to thanksgiving and the only people i am going to see is my grandma and her boyfriend and my uncle and his wife. thats it. its a big change from 40+ people to what? 10? so what am i really thankful for? i would have to say my friends, the friends who stayed, the friends who cared, my true friends. that is what i am thankful for. 

but on a tangent-

last night i finally felt something i havent felt in years, i felt what it was like to feel my heart beat, it be warm, and what it was like to get goosebumps just from talking to them, from not wanting to sign off/hang up the fone even though you are hella tired. i wish things could be how it used to be, because u are still in my heart, and i am happy i did not burn your letters and pictures because thats all i have left. you still make me get goosebumps girl, you still give me butterfiles and there has only been 2 girls who has ever done that to me, and thats u and this other girl. thank you stephanie for reminding me what it feels like to feel like that. 

cont of thanks giving wow i had a feeling that thanksgiving was going to suck. one no one really took the time to wake me up for dinner, and when i was taking a shower and i have my dad yelling to hurry up to eat. my dad was being such a dick saying to hurry up so my brother was like fine!!!!!! and came down half dressed and my dad was all get back up there and put a fucking shirt on. hhahahha funny shit. and the whole night my uncle/ my dads brother was just trying to make convo with him and my dad was being a dick and being all snobbly. pretty fucked up to me. god i wish i wasnt here and was having thanksgiving with my friends. to make it plain and simple my thanks giving sucked.