for a short period of time

for a short period of time i got to see what it would be like to be with this one girl. even tho it was pretend. but i could only hope in the future that it will happen for real, if its with her or a girl of my dreams. a kid can dream right? and if i can dream i wish i could sleep and dream forever because it feels good

old habits

i have fallen into my old habits once again. i thought i left that part of my life behind but it seems like it has found a way to sneak back into my soul. i want it to leave but for now i have no choice but to welcome it and let it live in me for this time being.

slit

lost in college

so basically im lost in college. i dont know what to do right now. im pretty sure that i am changing my major from business to communications. i am so lost. i am just trying to find that major that i am good at so i can get good grades and at the same time find a major that will help me succeed in life and so i can use it for a job and make money. god why cant i just win the lotto? 

So High

So High

You got me feeling so high

That I can touch the sky

I wisp past the clouds

And look down at watch the crowd 

The people look so small from this view

But the person who sticks out the most is you

You give me a high that I never had before

When im with you I always want more

You are better than any chronic ive ever had

Always in a constant laugh

You got me laughing till tear drip out of my eyes

Its crazy how you became mine

I want to be your everything, plus more

U got me feeling this feeling that I cant describe

When I hear your voice I know things are going to be alright

How did u get me feeling this way?

Always wanting to see u everyday

When I talk to u, I dunno what to say

I stutter when I say yo name

You got me so high that I think im superman

Wanting to save you from everything that makes u sad

Id take a bullet for you

Because I promised you

That I would protect you

From any dangers that may come to you

From anything that would threaten you

From anything that would hurt you

I’ll always keep that promise I made to you

Girl im so high

Cuz I swear I see sparkles and stars in your eyes

I know you are giggling and thinking that was hella cliché 

But you have to admit I got you speechless, not knowing what to say

Girl I bet you think I am lame

But deep inside you know I just made your day ;-D

help

i think im going to end up getting help again. my mental health isnt looking good at all. did an evaluation and it came to what i feared most. it says i may have extreme depression and anxiety. so my friend is going to go with me to the shrink so i can get help again. man back to the shrink. i dont think being at home helps very much either. i feel like im a disappointment, a failure, just a shitty person in general when it comes to school and life. but outside of school and my house, i feel like i can do anything because the only person i can disappoint is my self and i dont mind that at all. i think i need a vacation, or to win the lottery. ta-ta for now. i just hope i can get better and become my self again

secret feelings

girl, when i look in your eyes

i still get butterflies inside

i get nervous when i am around you

i dont even know what to do

when u smile, i cant help to do the same

i still stutter when i try to say your name

girl you are so cute, so pretty

u are getting me all jittery

i can hold a conversation with you with ease

and you are the one i want to please

i want to make you feel like you are the best

because you are, u are better than the rest

your hand i want to caress 

and in your heart is where i want to rest

you are a queen in my mind

but im sorry my feeling i must hide

because i fear that we dont see eye to eye